little bit of it i think things gonna be different

yeap it is.. if u ask me does it makes total differences?

not total but yes something changes.  some good some bad

i lost people in my life.. someone who literally give a fuck of me forreal

who actually fanning of me rather than someone else

not even a guy crush on me like she does to me. but she did. and she's my mom.

i only realized she does that when she's no longer here

i know its cliché, people will regret once they lose someone

but it happened. and somehow i know what i have today its because of her

its because of what she earned. idk where all it went .. either to people or me wasting of it spending thru unnecessary things

i feel disappointed though. disappointed towards myself. i wish i could turn back time and stop myself of over spending

some stuff deserve to be spent but some are super unnecessary. oh Allah can u help me to earn something for myself?

i realized its getting lonelier when she's not here with us. idk why idk how but something in my life are just dimmed.

not sunny as it was, not rainy as well. some said it was a nice weather. it was okay tbh. not that bad, i kind of enjoy the moment, 

i overenjoyed until i didn't know what coming ahead. i wish i could stay. i kind of comfortable, kind of not comfortable.

weird huh? ya know why? i hate being a burden to people, i hate people burdening me the same. lmao

i realized I'm changing. maybe to the badder farihah

i have no idea why but bit of me realized I've reached to my limit, limit of prioritizing what's people needs.

i keep fulfill someone else needs, a lot more than myself needs, due to feeling responsible of my existence. i always wonder why am i here.

and because of that i want to be useful to my surrounding. want to make myself functionable, feel good for be able to do something, having a role

for my existence but somehow I'm exhausted. people keep asking, i feel like i be there for people too much and it makes ppl spoiled over things.

i feel drained, it feels like never ending, why? i feel like people invalidate of me saying "no". like they be able to say no but i couldn't say no

but people wouldn't know boundaries if i didn't learn to say no. so i said no to some. i said yes to some. but damn i wish to say no all the time. lmao

i think ill find stability if i could do things that can include both world. the world prioritizing me, and the world i could communicate with my surrounding

in a healthy ways (not too attached)

i told myself i owe myself too much. its time for me to take care of me. enough with people. i forgot that i am an individual too as well. 

I'm just not really in a good shape. my soul is drained. i wish i could run from this and live my life

it irritated me if people drain me enough. i want to shut down and be back once i get my life figure out, fulfill my soul.